You know Paul Simon was a horrible husband? You would think someone with such an angelic soft voice would also be so gentle in personality, but that guy was NOT. It’s kind of the same thing as finding out Bob Ross used to be a military commander and the reason his voice is so soft is because it’s damaged from yelling. Anyway, just some facts for the noggin’, food for thought some may say.
Right now, I’m sitting on the train on the way home for the first time since I left for school. I’m really excited to see my sweet angel baby boys (my dogs), and my family, of course. But I think I’m most excited to lie in my bed and be able to, like, spread out without falling off. It’s going to be glorious.
My First-Year Experience instructor said that going home for the first time after being away at school feels like you’re living in a hotel; your bedroom doesn’t feel like your room anymore, all your stuff is missing, it’s just like a piece of yourself is missing. It’s like a reverse-shock, the same as when going to school, except now it’s going home. When home isn’t “home” anymore. It’s the time in your life when a 200-square-foot room is home and a twin XL feels like a California King (not really).
I’m also having hella FOMO because some of my friends are staying at school since they’re from further away than I am. Winnie the Pooh said “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?” Isn’t that crazy that the honey-loving cartoon bear said something like THAT? Anyway, that’s kind of how I feel, even though I’m literally leaving for four days. I just love every second I’m at school, even when it’s hard. My whole life I’ve been looking forward to leaving home and living on my own, and then it happened and I was like, “Why the hell did I want this so bad? I had it so good in my little New Jersey town.” And that’s true, I did have it so good there; I have it really good everywhere, actually, thanks to the hard work of my parents and grandparents. There are plenty of factors that go into that, but I think a major part of “having it good” is the mindset; I would be miserable if I chose to be miserable thinking about how much better the food is at home, how much cleaner the bathroom is, how much better sleep I get. But choosing to not be miserable, focusing on how much of the day I spend laughing with my friends, how much control I have over what I’m doing minute-to-minute, how even when I’m not feeling the best, I’m living in the city I’ve always wanted to and am surrounded by history and beauty.
It’s really easy to get caught up in things, especially in feelings; I’ve learned a lot of that recently. It’s hard to separate feelings from logic sometimes, especially when all you can do is sit with your thoughts, live in an emotional state, and feel everything. Sometimes it sucks, and that’s the end of that. When things suck, they suck. Learning to remove myself and choosing to not be miserable is my next goal… well, the removing myself part is. My gorgeous ginger friend (she gave herself this nickname) who lives three doors down from me is especially good at this. It’s one of the reasons I love and admire her so much besides her unwavering humor and openness. Those of you who know me know that I’m not exactly an optimist, but I’m figuring out that, for my own sake, I should learn to be. Things are just so much easier with a positive outlook, even if it isn’t completely logical. Life isn’t logical, life is unpredictable, and emotional, and fluid. It’s better to live that way sometimes.
Anyway, here’s my favorite performance of the song alluded to in the title of this entry: Homeward Bound by Simon and Garfunkel. It was performed on Saturday Night Live with my favorite guy, George Harrison, in replacement of Garfunkel (Simon & Garfunkel broke up in 1970, I believe, just like George Harrison’s band, the Beatles). Just two bad husbands with angelic voices on a stage singing a beautiful song about going home. Their harmonies are incredible, give it a listen.
Peace and love,
Maddie